Self-Regulation: Leaders Don't Do This Alone (Part 3 of 5)
Nov 03, 2024Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
"I don't need support. I'm the leader - I should be able to handle this myself."
Healthcare Executive, Pre-Burnout
I sat in my office last night, staring at an endless to-do list. School assignments, household chores, work commitments, and relationship challenges all competing for my attention. Despite being surrounded by people and potential support, I felt overwhelmed and alone. Sound familiar?
This is Part 3 of our 5-part series on Systemic Distress in healthcare leadership. Today, we're exploring a critical challenge that affects individual leaders, teams, and entire healthcare systems: the journey from dysregulation to coherence.
The Hidden Cost of Going It Alone
Here's what usually happens: As healthcare leaders, we're trained to be self-sufficient. When overwhelm hits, we typically try to:
- Hide our struggles to maintain a "strong leader" image
- Take on more responsibility while feeling less capable
- Isolate ourselves when we most need connection
- Power through with caffeine and determination
This approach isn't just ineffective—it's dangerous. According to my recent interview with mindfulness expert Ron Plowright, this pattern of chronic stress and emotional suppression directly impacts our leadership effectiveness and team dynamics.
Critical Insight: A stoic isolated approach that ignores this systemic distress signal becomes dangerous physically, emotionally, relationally and mentally because our nervous system cannot "muscle up" - it needs regulation that comes from the calm of generating a safe space.
The Team Sport of Self-Regulation
Here's what most leaders miss: self-regulation is a team sport. In fact, the only way you can learn to self-regulate, especially during times when that feels hard, is through co-regulation. And if you are a leader, you will never teach, train, coach or mentor your people to do this for themselves if you don't do it with them.
A Personal Perspective
This week, I'm experiencing this firsthand. Between academic deadlines, household responsibilities, relationship struggles and professional commitments, I feel the weight of it all. But here's what's different: Instead of white-knuckling through it, I'm learning to lean on my support system—close friends, coaches, and spiritual practice.
The irony? Asking for help isn't a weakness; it's a masterclass in leadership.
💡 Vulnerability Alert: None of that makes it any easier to ask for help. This is where "vulnerability in leadership" goes from an interesting topic to a real experience. If you don't feel vulnerable, then you're still not doing it—and I feel vulnerable when I ask for help, share what is really going on, and try to sit in the moment after sharing and asking—that's vulnerability.
The Science of Support
Ron Plowright shared a powerful insight in our interview: "The most amazing gift you can give another person is a settled body." When leaders maintain their own regulation through support systems, it creates a ripple effect:
Neurobiological Impact
- Your regulated nervous system helps co-regulate your team
- Calm leadership creates psychological safety
- Stress becomes manageable rather than chronic
Team Performance
- Teams mirror their leader's emotional state
- A regulated leader enables better decision-making
- Psychological safety increases innovation and engagement
Systemic Health
- Organizations develop natural resilience
- Support systems become culturally embedded
- Sustainable performance replaces burnout cycles
From Theory to Practice: Building Your Support Network
1. Internal Support
- Practice mindfulness (start with 2-5 minutes daily)
- Schedule regular self-check-ins
- Honour your body's signals of stress
2. Professional Support
- Engage with a coach or mentor
- Join leadership peer groups
- Participate in professional development
3. Personal Support
- Cultivate deep friendships
- Maintain spiritual or contemplative practices
- Create boundaries between work and personal life
What? So What? Now What?
What You're Learning:
- Leadership isolation leads to systemic dysregulation
- Support systems are essential for sustainable leadership
- Personal regulation impacts organizational health
Why It's Important:
- Regulated leaders create psychologically safe environments
- Support systems prevent burnout and improve decision-making
- Organizational culture follows leadership patterns
What to Do Now:
- Identify your current support gaps
- Schedule one connection this week (friend, coach, or mentor)
- Start a simple mindfulness practice (even 2 minutes counts)
Key Takeaway
The path from dysregulation to coherence isn't about being stronger—it's about being supported. As Ron Plowright emphasizes, "Having another person is wonderful... even if you just notice something's going on and someone asks, 'What do you need right now?'"
"I used to think asking for help meant I was failing. Now I know it's how we all succeed together."
- Healthcare Leader, Post-Transformation
Whenever You're Ready...
🎧 Listen to my full interview with Ron Plowright on mindfulness and leadership regulation [Episode 46]
📅 Share this newsletter with a leader you care about
📩 Reply to this email with your biggest challenge in building support systems
Remember: The strongest leaders aren't those who can handle everything alone—they're the ones who know how to build and lean on robust support systems.
Stay regulated, Trace
